In my piece, The Power of Belonging – How Community Shapes Our Health and Longevity, we looked at how relationships, not routines, are what actually keep us well.

Forget the wellness fads.

Real connection is the original health insurance.

Now, let’s go one level deeper - into the brain itself.

Because your brain doesn’t just enjoy the connection.

It’s wired for it.

Craves it.

Falls apart without it.

Let’s take a look at what’s actually happening up there - and why your brain treats loneliness like an existential threat.

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A Brain on High Alert

Ah, loneliness.

That creeping, gnawing feeling that hits when you realise you haven’t spoken to anyone in hours (or maybe days). But it’s not just in your head - well, actually, it is in your head. But hear me out.

When we feel lonely, our brain thinks something is very, very wrong.

Loneliness doesn’t creep in quietly. It hits the system like an alarm bell.

And it’s not just emotionally - it’s neurologically.

When we’re cut off from meaningful connection, the brain switches into survival mode.

It releases cortisol - the body’s main stress hormone.

Once useful for running from predators.

Now mostly just good at wrecking your sleep, suppressing your immune system, and making you irritable around your colleagues.

Prolonged social isolation keeps cortisol elevated, which contributes to inflammation, poor health, fatigue, and a higher risk of anxiety, depression, and heart disease.

In other words: the brain reads a lack of connection the same way it reads physical danger. And it responds accordingly.

Ref: Hawkley & Cacioppo (2010), Annals of Behavioural Medicine

Oxytocin - The Signal for Safety

Here’s the counterbalance: oxytocin.

Oxytocin is often called the “cuddle hormone,” but it’s really a full-body signal for trust, calm, and social bonding.

It’s released not just during hugs but in moments of emotional closeness- shared laughter, a long chat, a knowing glance from someone who gets you, or even a smile from a stranger in the street.

Brief interactions - like a friendly exchange with your neighbour or your local barista - can trigger it.

It reminds your brain that you’re not alone. You’re part of something.

This sense of safety matters more than we realise. And we don’t need deep intimacy to get it - just human moments that feel real.

Dopamine - The Motivation Loop

Dopamine is the reward system of the brain - the internal “well done” signal.

It’s released when we do something satisfying or meaningful, including social connection.

Positive interaction? Dopamine.

Belonging to a group? Dopamine.

Getting invited, included, noticed? All dopamine.

 This not only boosts your mood in the moment - it strengthens motivation, memory, focus, and even your physical health.

Dopamine fuels your energy to keep going.

But loneliness disrupts that loop.

Without social feedback or community, dopamine dries up.

Things feel flat. Motivation fades. Your brain says, “What’s the point?”

And this is where loneliness becomes a trap - because without those small rewarding interactions, we stop reaching out.

And without reaching out, we don’t get the rewards.

The way out?

Start small.

Any moment of connection - however brief - reminds your system it’s still part of the world.

Who’s Actually at Risk?

Loneliness doesn’t always look like isolation. It doesn’t always look sad. Often, it hides in plain sight - especially in busy lives.

Young adults (19–29)

The most digitally connected, yet often the most socially unfulfilled. Onlineisn’t the same as together - and staying busy isn’t the same as feeling close.

Older adults

Smaller social circles, retirement, and mobility issues quietly push many intodisconnection.

Immigrants & expats

New city, no network. You can be surrounded by people and still feel entirely apart. (I’ve been there)

Men post-divorce or retirement

Many men rely on fewer emotional ties, making them more vulnerable to social drift.

Women in transition

Shifts like motherhood, moving, or career changes can slowly chip away at previously solid networks.

Let’s Wrap This Up

Loneliness isn’t a mood. It’s a full-body stress response.

Your brain doesn’t confuse being busy with being connected.

It knows the difference. And when that deep social nourishment is missing, it sounds the internal alarm - chemically, hormonally, physically.

The good news?

You don’t need to overhaul your life.

You don’t need a perfect tribe or a ten-person dinner party everyThursday.

You just need moments. Regular, human moments.

Say hello.

Make the call.

Walk with someone.

Join the thing you’re avoiding joining.

The rewards aren’t just emotional - they’re neurological.

Your brain doesn’t want perfection. It wants people.

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Lots of love,

Stina

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