When I met my partner, I knew from the start that we shared something fundamental: neither of us was made for conventions.  

Not in life, not in love, and certainly not in how we imagined family.  

It wasn’t a rebellious stance or a conscious rejection of tradition - it was simply who we were. And that realisation became the foundation of what we now stand on together, as partners together apart.

But let’s be real - choosing a different path doesn’t mean it’s free of doubt or fear. We’re wired for tradition, for belonging within familiar structures.

Straying from them can feel like stepping into the unknown, with no guarantees that it will work out.

And we felt that, too. Even when we knew deep down that we weren’t meant for the conventional mold, there were moments when we asked ourselves: Are we doing the right thing? Will this actually work?

 It turns out that’s a question we still revisit sometimes.  

The Evolution of Us

People often ask, “How do you make it work?”

And sometimes, the undertone is more why than how.

The idea that we live together, co-parent, and remain each other’s closest allies despite no longer being in a traditional relationship is a framework that doesn’t fit neatly into a box.

But the truth is, we never really fit into the box to begin with. Our relationship broke in some parts and evolved in others.

And in that evolution, we made a conscious decision to keep what was strong, let go of what no longer served us, and redefine what family means on our own terms.

That doesn’t mean it was easy. Walking away from a traditional structure - even one that doesn’t feel right - can be terrifying.

Because once you step outside of it, there’s noscript.

No set expectations.

No roadmap to follow.

There’s just you, your choices, and the work it takes to make them into something real.

And maybe that’s one of the hardest parts of being human - knowing what you actually want.

‍Not what you’ve been told to want or what looks good from the outside, but what truly fits you.

Sometimes, it takes stepping outside of convention even to ask that question.

And sometimes, the answer isn’t clear right away.

The Practical Side of an Unconventional Setup

Of course, the logistics of co-living and co-parenting require effort.  

There’s no playbook for this, no handbook titled How to Successfully Navigate Life with Your Ex While Raising a Child and Still Enjoying Sunday Breakfast Together. (….maybe we should write one.)  

But we figure it out through trial and error, communication, and - above all - a shared commitment to creating the best possible environment for us and our daughter. And as we go along, I will do my best to share with you as much as I can about our journey.   

One key aspect that we decided early on was to divide responsibilities based on strengths (no outdated gender roles here).

Easier said than done, of course - figuring out who’s better at what and actually letting go of control takes work. We make decisions as a team, not as adversaries.

And yes, we still have disagreements - because we’re human.  

And no, they’re not always handled gracefully.  

There are times when old frustrations creep in, and we fall into patterns we thought we’d outgrown when emotions get the best of us.

But the biggest difference now?

The structure we’ve built allows us to step back, remove unnecessary friction, and recognise that not everything needs to be a battle.   

When we changed our relationship, we also saw each other more clearly - including the qualities that weren’t exactly endearing. But instead of those things becoming sources of tension, the new structure actually gave us the tools to choose not to act on them - because they didn’t matter anymore.   

Take the small, everyday annoyances (you all know what I mean). We now live in a home that allows us to have separate bedrooms, bathrooms, and wardrobes.

So instead of being irritated by how the other person keeps their space, we simply… don’t have to deal with it.

That friction was taken out of the equation entirely. And in a way, that freedom to exist separately has made our connection even stronger.

Breaking Conventions and Raising Eyebrows   

We understand the reactions we get when we explain our setup.  

Some people tilt their heads, trying to categorise us into something familiar mentally.  

Others are openly skeptical, wondering if we’re secretly miserable, stuck in an arrangement that sounds more like a socialexperiment than real life.  

And we get it - this isn’t for everyone.

In fact, many people around us say exactly that. They tell us they admire what we’ve built, that it’s impressive how we make it work, but that they could never do it.

And that’s completely fair.  

Because here’s the thing: when it comes to relationship of any meaningful kind, nothing is easy.

It requires trust, communication, and the ability to sit with discomfort when things don’t go smoothly. It requires letting go of old expectations, learning new ways of interacting, and sometimes - just taking a deep breath and choosing to move forward.

But those who know us?

They see it.  

They see stability, friendship, and teamwork.  

They see our daughter thriving in a home filled with love, not tension.  

They see a model that, while unconventional, is deeply intentional.  

And they admire it.

I’m proud of that.

I’m proud that we’ve built something that works for us, instead of forcing ourselves into a version of family that wouldn’t. Because what is family if not a place where you are supported, understood, and seen?  

Let’s Wrap This Up 

I often wonder if, decades from now, our setup will even be considered unconventional. If future generations will look at rigid family structures and ask, “but why did it have to be that way?”  

Because family isn’t only defined by tradition - it’s more defined by the people in it.  

Love is what you nurture, not what a structure dictates.  

And belonging isn’t about following a formula - it’s about choosing where you feel at home.  

That said, I know that what we’ve built isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay.

I’m not here to say that conventional family structures are wrong - only that they weren’t right for us.

Traditions and conventions can be great when they align with the people living them.

But when they don’t, there should be space to create something different, something that works without forcing a predefined mold.  

For us, this setup isn’t about rejecting norms for the sake of it. It’s about choosing what feels right, what allows us to thrive as individuals, as co-parents, and as a family.

And I want to say this:

Wherever you are and whatever you do.

Don't let conventions make you feel confined.

Lots of love,

Stina

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